The lesser known strength
Writers are emotional people. Artists are softies with a blade ready to cut out that which no longer serves. Creators and those who view life as a canvas both to be painted and to be enjoyed are born with an eye unlike most.
I used to think my ability to feel so deeply was a problem. I didn’t like being so easily able to cry at movies. I thought something was wrong with me. I was a woman who needed to be fixed and get her emotions “under control.”
With age, time, and experience, I began to see that my ability to feel deeply was in fact a strength. You know you’ve been born an artist when your mind perceives life as a cinematic masterpiece. You look into your lover’s eyes and see the entire reason you’re alive. You grab his face and know immediately that this is what they write movie scripts about. The state of your soul is one that others may envy. For so long you hated that you were soft and gentle, caring and full of an ocean’s worth of tears. But now, you express gratitude for such nature within yourself.
I met the love of my life at 19 years old and have only fallen more and more in love as time goes on. 7 years in and I am more head over heels than ever before and I know exactly why: I have allowed myself to expand what I perceive. Through an awakening journey, remembering my spirituality, and discovering my Self, I simultaneously let more light and darkness in. People will often share that after they have undergone a spiritual awakening, they wonder why things that didn’t bother them before now begin to get under their skin. The smell of artificial cleaners gives you a headache once you’ve gone clean and natural.
Sensitivity expands when you no longer live life as a numbed bag of bones. Extents of time spent sober will teach you that life is a perception of your mind. When you starve your mind, body, and soul of the nourishment it needs, it cannot see what is really there. When you feed your soul, the body comes back to full capacity.
This is why I feel so deeply that it aches to see the smallest critter get lost. It takes no effort to summon a waterfall for love. I seem to be on the edge of tears as I write thinking about placing words on the love I feel for my soulmate. I feel like I’m not a good enough writer to adequately share what it’s like to feel your atoms vibrate in desire for someone else. To hold their cheeks and know the Universe gave you this perfect specimen for you to have and hold.
Fuck I am so EMOTIONAL!!! And this is the thing I used to hate. I thought it was going to hold me back. Make me unlovable and unstable. The joke was on me because evolutionary advancement is not reserved for physical strength and skill, it includes the heart realm, too.
This is why I claimed myself to be a writer and an artist and a creator. Because I know just by looking at the horizon that I want to translate the indescribable into something for you. I put myself through the socially awkward pain of being sober among heavy drinkers just to get to know myself better. I have to go to the bathroom to breathe, regroup, and repeat affirmations before going back out to join the party.
It’s me, myself, and I that are responsible for getting through the storm. Of course, I know I am not alone and that I have that thing up there and around me. The force flowing through my hands and onto this page. Always there for me.
So if you’re emotional beyond repair, the people think you’re crazy, and you think something is wrong with you for needing an entire month to recover from intense experiences… Know that you are lucky. You are the one the aliens would choose. You are the one who will blaze through the flames for your child. You are the one who translates existence to the masses. You write the feelings in your heart and provide the collective with embodied wisdom.
Feel the abyss in your veins. Let the sunset destroy you. Let the fire give you a pretty scar. Dare to speak what others will not simply because they cannot.
Write, sing, dance, teach, guide, love, grieve, let go, paint, run, burn, and create your heart out.
Thank you for reading this piece. Read the rest of my Substack here <3
Xo,
Bella