Dear Reader, I have serendipitously stumbled upon this piece I wrote *exactly* a year ago after spending time with a few girlfriends in Austin, TX. I met all of these women online through Instagram and became fast friends by exchanging DMs and voice notes. Crazy things can happen when you put yourself out there as the real you. I don’t know why I never published this piece, but I have a feeling that it was perfectly waiting for me to find one year later so that I could read it and feel proud of my work and my progress.
Thank you to the women who I sat in circle with — you know who you are and I love you.
I’m sitting in a circle of women. Each one a breath of individuated divinity. Elements present, we set the intention:
It’s time to connect to it all.
Have you ever wondered why everyone says all is one? Have you ever poked inside the statement to realize that not only is it a feeling, an experience, a lens on life, but it is also a truth of your existence — inescapable no matter how hard you try?
I’m sitting in a circle of women and suddenly, it’s here and now. It’s in the trees. It’s in the breeze. It’s in Jenni’s voice as she says “it’s your turn now”. It’s in the yogi’s sweet smile as she reads your divine message from the oracle book. It’s in the giggle of the one leading us as she pours a sacred matter into my hand. And the desirous goddess to my left as she graces my knee when the words “soul on fire” are read aloud to affirm that yes, this is for you.
With your hands on the ground, your mind to the sky, and your nose tingling with curiosity, you open your heart to the realm of unity. The leaves don’t know my name and here they are, present and unafraid. The spider crawls gently on my arm and suddenly the creature I’d have banished from my circle is truly just a friend.
You know that feeling of trying to tell someone you love them but words just aren’t enough for the vastness of expansion taking place within you? Remember what it was like to see snowfall for the first time and wonder how something could be so effortless? Or the smell of rain hitting the dirt in your backyard to remind you that life is pretty damn simple?
That is it. That is IT. That is YOU and everything. That’s you and the circle of women.
There’s no use in using verbs and adjectives to explain why it makes sense. It doesn’t need to.
You can’t bend your experience into making sense, sense is made to bend to your experience.
Your body gets chills when you hear the perfect string of words — how did you do that? What signaled to your skin to do such a thing? Your brain? God? The trees? The wind that whispered in that timely moment?
I’m sitting in a circle of women and like a leaf falling off its branch, I’ve done it. I’m here. I am sitting in the creation of my mind. In the reality of my dreams. One vision, one intention, one choice after the other. A step in the direction of more and a hop away from less — I have arrived.
How do you get there? How do you get anywhere? It’s time to tune up the machine, reconfigure the GPS! Turn the map upside down, flip your nose toward the sky, inhale the aura of divine surrender, and get a running start. Forget the shoulds and should-nots. Forget what your 5th-grade teacher said about making friends. Forget the TV show where everyone drinks wine and pretends they care about what Nancy said two doors down.
FORGET IT ALL.
Your map is within. It’s always been within. It’s folded into your fingertip, it’s welded into your veins, and it’s glued to your eyelashes with paste that cannot be undone even with your $40 makeup remover. Throw it out, throw it all away. In emptiness is where you’ll see the next step. If clarity is to be gained, there must be something to wash away.
Can you see through a dirty window? Maybe if you squint and bend and strain. Maybe if you buy some new glasses and increase your prescription. The temporary fix to a grander problem always disguises itself as progress when its shadow is really just your own.
Clean the window. Rub the dirt out. Put it in a jar and light it on fire. Use a toothbrush for the edges and scrub until you’re back to 20/20 vision.
I’m sitting in a circle of women and my window is all clean. She can see my eyes, she can see my heart, she can hear my voice, and feel my art. The real you doesn’t need any dressing up. She’s bare and beautiful and loved all the way through. She’s holding hands with 4 women who symbolize the manifestation of a new reality. One created by the heart and mind in cohesion toward a vision of expansion.
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Xo,
BS
Immediate chills :) <3